The date was set - 25/10/2018, I would be admitted to hospital to be induced and bring my babalina into the world. I was so nervous - and so was Ryan. We didn't have a clue what to expect. Despite the fact that Ryan has a 12 year old son, he missed the birth. He was in Texas visiting his family when Rhys had to be brought on early due to his mum suffering from HELLP syndrome. He nearly lost him. So he missed the birth. So, this was all new to him.
I'd made sure my hair was plaited tightly so that it was not in my way (I didn't want it in my face at all) and our bags had been packed for months already, checklists were triple checked to make sure we had everything and off we headed. 4pm was our check in time (I'm making this sound like a hotel!)
We got admitted and settled in our room for the night. At some point, a midwife came round to administer the first pessary - the start of the journey. I remember thinking how much i wanted this first one to work and miraculously bring my little into the world. It didn't. I had another 6 hours later and still nothing through the night. I barely slept that night. Neither did Ryan - mainly because he was sleeping on the hospital floor with a towel on him. Props to him for doing that (it didn't help that I was melting all the time and the window was open, right in front of where he was lying - oops!)
The next morning, I had some breakfast and another pessary. By this time it was starting to get uncomfortable - the pessaries make you sore and having a hand placed where a hand should not go, really does not help! Ryan and I, went for a wander around the hospital, down to see his auntie and mum (who was over from Texas for the birth - but due to fly back on the 31/10/2018), we had coffee and a sit outside, the weather was lovely for the time of the year. My mum arrived around tea time and by this point, I was having regular tightenings. They were registering on the monitor and I got so excited! This was it!
This wasn't it. The pains were getting quite unbearable (clearly I am a wuss) and I asked for some pain relief, as soon as the pain relief kicked in, the pains stopped. The contractions stopped. And did not start again. I had another pessary later that day and kept everything crossed. Around 9am the next morning, a midwife came round and told me I was being taken to the delivery suite! I was so shocked! I hadn't had an examination since the night before so I really didn't know what was going on.
We got put in our room and another midwife came in to tell me she was going to break my waters. I'm not sure where she was digging around but holy hell, i was in agony. I was so sore from the pessaries and she was trying to grab my cervix which was tucked away where it shouldn't be. I was in tears with the pain - Ryan was close to tears seeing me in that pain. Because she couldn't break my waters, she brought a consultant in to see me. Who basically broke my heart. He couldn't understand why I was being induced (despite another consultant agreeing to it) and basically told me that he didn't want to do anything further that day. I had the option of staying in hopsital for the weekend but with no interventions, or going home, resting and coming back in on the Monday for a second induction. He told me that he has never had a second induction fail (he hasn't met me, I thought). Ryan was instructed to take me somewhere nice for a meal (Ramside Hall was suggested). As we walked out of the antenatel ward, the receptionist congratulated us before her face dropped when she realised that we did not have a baby with us. I reassured her that we would be back Monday and we WOULD be leaving with a bubba!
I remember being so upset. I felt like such a failure, that my body couldn't even respond the way that it was meant to. I remember thinking that his mum was going to miss the birth (she had flown from Texas about a month before to be with us before the birth and to see Babalina). I thought I had let so many people down. The things that we think, eh?
On the Sunday, Ryan took me to the pictures to see 'A Star Is Born'. I cried. The cinema was packed and we were in the middle of a row. I was hoping that my waters didn't break but also hoping they would - my little star would be on her way then! Throughout the film, I was getting tightenings, things were obviously on the move.
The Monday saw us go for a final growth scan (baba's weight had been up and down) and we were told that she would be around 8lb 4oz (I laughed at this - no way would she be that big) and we then sat in the cafe for a couple of hours before we got admitted to the antenatal ward again. The whole process started again. More pessaries - but only two this time. That night, the contractions kicked in fully. Throughout the night, while Ryan was sleeping, i was having regular pains. I was in agony but I didn't want to have any pain relief, just in case the pains stopped, as they had done on the Friday. For the most part, I tried to breathe through them but as the pain was going in my hips (an unfortunate side effect of Hip Dysplasia), I struggled. At 6am, I had some toast and half an hour later, we were taken round to the delivery suite again. (Though, they weren't told I was being took round so my room wasn't ready)
This time, rather than a midwife breaking my waters, a consultant took the reigns. I was given gas and air (hallelujah) and broken they were! I was finally on the way to meeting my princess. The previous 39 weeks had been a long journey but it all led to these last few hours.
Now, because of my hips, I didn't have a birth plan. I didn't want to feel like a failure (or more of a failure than I already did), the only thing I had stipulated all the way through, was to have an epidural as early as possible. I didn't want to be worrying about my hips or thinking about the possibility of a dislocation or an impingement. The gas and air was taking the pain of the contraction away but not the pain in my hips. that was agonising. Thankfully, I was first on the list with the anaesthetist to have my epidural. Of course, me being me, it was awkward and took two attempts at being put in. My mum was here by this point and she and Ryan, took themselves out of the room to go have some breakfast (how dare they). By the time they came back, I was in complete bliss. I knew I was having contractions as I could feel the pressure but the pain was gone. I was so relaxed.
It was a waiting game now. First check, I was only 1cm dilated, a few hours later, I was 3 (this was at 4.21pm). Again the thought popped into my head that Marie (Ryan's mum) was leaving the next day. At this rate she would be on a plane well on her way back to the states before the Babalina made her appearance! The decision was made to increase my drip to try and bring things on a little quicker.
Somehow, later that day I manage a nap and Ryan was timing the contractions on his phone (throughout this, he was so supportive). They were getting closer together but Selina was being a tinker. Her heart rate was up and down. Tests were done to see if I had an infection - nothing. A blood spot test was done on Selina to see if she was okay - and she was. Things were starting to worry me - was she okay, would there need to be any intervention and would I need to be taken to theatre for a section.
I could feel the contractions getting stronger and I was starting to feel her in my bum but I didn't say anything. The consultant came in and checked how dilated I was around 8pm. I WAS 10CM! But they didn't want me to push yet as they felt she was still quite high in the birth canal. They didn't want to tire me out pushing for so long. All I wanted was her to be here in time for her to see her Nana Marie (and me of course). I kept telling my mum that I could feel her low down but because things were pretty numb down there, I thought maybe I was imagining it. A little bit after 8.45pm, I was told that babies heart rate was concerning them so they wanted me to push. They wanted her here. Up in the stirrups I went. All the way through this, the midwives were concerned about my hips, so I wasn't put in a full stirrup, more of a step up. I told them that as I couldn't feel anything, to do what they needed.
Dawn (my midwife) got such a shock when I got into position - Selina was crowing! She had been telling everyone for so long that she was ready to come and no-one was listening. Poor Dawn was not ready for her to be crowning!
2 and a half pushes later and Selina shot out. 8lb 3oz of pure perfection. I have never felt love like it. Owing to the fact that she came so quickly in the end, I ended up with 3 tears. I think the recovery from that was probably the worst. I couldn't walk due to stitches rubbing in places where things shouldn't rub.
Thankfully, Marie got to meet her grand-daughter at around midnight that night. The midwives were aware of the situation so she was allowed in for a cuddle after Ryan had had some skin to skin contact and I had had a shower.
My labour of love, brought into the world, my everything. I had created something so perfect and wonderful. I spent that night just staring at her. In total awe and in total bliss.
The adventure had truely begun.
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