Sleep tight Grandad.

This week has to be one of the hardest weeks of my life. Sadly, on Wednesday 20th February, my Grandad was cruelly taken from us. The one person I had always thought of as immortal.

I guess we probably all think that way of our grandparents, of our parents and of those that we hold in our hearts. But I really did think he was immortal. He was my hero, the first man I ever loved. And now, he's gone.

Grandad

My Grandad had not been a well man for a number of years. In fact, for almost 13 years. He developed Sepsis following an infection in his foot. After spending a month in bed, before being admitted to hospital for 8 weeks, he signed himself out. His GP did not expect him to actually make it out of hospital. But he did. However, this was the start of a long journey of ill health and multitudes of medication, which ultimately led to his passing.

The late Allan Stubbs, was an electrician by trade. A man who loved motorbikes, cricket, football and to sing. He loved his family. He had to retire early in 1988 due to an accident where he fell off a ladder and crushed his foot. However, he never gave up his love of being a sparky. We all used to laugh when he got his tools out, even later on his life, he always wanted to have a go at a plug or a light switch (we still don't know which ones are safe!)

He was always off on his adventures. Out of the house at the crack of dawn, with his backpack in tow and he would return at some point later that day. He was always on the go, even after his mobility was restricted following the sepsis. He mobilised with two sticks but eventually became pretty much bed bound, having to rely on a wheelchair to get about.

He loved his National Express holidays, exploring the country with my Nana, his brother-in-law and late sister-in-law. He loved going places.

Grandad was a man who doted on family. We all have so many memories with him. Mine in particular, are of Saturday night sleepovers, watching bad TV and eating egg and chips with him, his big pans of broth (you've tasted nothing like it), trips to the local cricket club where he bought me sweets, trips to Blackpool, Christmas Eve carol singing with the local chapel. There are so many. I have these memories to hold on to.

Grandad & I

Selina, however, does not have these memories. And this, this just kills me. I have to hold on to the fact, that he got to meet his youngest Great-Granddaughter. He got a Christmas with her and he got to see her smile. I will never forget her first Christmas and his last Christmas. While we were all sat at the table eating dinner, all he wanted to do was sit alone with her, cuddling her. It's as if he knew he didn't have much time left with her. I have to cherish that and I have to ensure that Selina knows all about her Great Grandad Allan.

Grandad & Selina

The past few days have been horrendous. Seeing my Mum and Nana hurting so much. My Uncle, my dad, my sister, my nephew & neice. And Ryan. All broken from this loss. We all are. A massive piece of our hearts, was taken suddenly and we are all at a loss as to how to move forward. My eyes have cried enough tears to fill an ocean, even when I think they can't come any more - they do. But then I realise that, I need to be strong for everyone else. To hold their hands, to comfort them, to be the grocery bringer, a phone call maker, a shoulder. I need to be strong for Selina. She has helped me so much over the last few days and she doesn't even realise it.

Grandad was a larger than life character who everyone knew and loved. The kids in his street, his neighbours, old family and friends, all, can't fathom him being taken from us.

Nana & Grandad on their honeymoon

How do we move on from this? How do you grieve when you have a little person relying on you? How can I continue to find the strength to hold up my loved ones? How do you do it? I don't have any answers to these questions but I do know that I WILL do it. I'll do it for him.

Sleep tight Grandad Allan. You will never be forgotten.